


cause it's you & me

by momentsintimex



Category: To All the Boys I've Loved Before Series - Jenny Han, To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Developing Relationship, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, lara jean is a good girlfriend, who just second guesses herself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-19 12:44:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,539
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16534808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/momentsintimex/pseuds/momentsintimex
Summary: Lara Jean has a horrible habit of second guessing everything. She spends most of her days wondering if she's too forward, if she's doing too much, if there's something else that she could do that wouldn't make her question everything.She just wants to do everything she can for Peter without making a fool of herself.--or the three times Lara Jean second guesses herself when it comes to Peter, and the one time she doesn't.





	cause it's you & me

**Author's Note:**

> title of fic from You & Me by Lifehouse
> 
> obviously i don't own any characters in this :)
> 
> this came after the suggestion to write a fic like my last one just from lara jean's pov from @Yeeh and @Mar :)
> 
> hope you like it!

**i.**

Lara Jean Song-Covey doesn’t know how to be a good girlfriend.

Or maybe it’s not so much that she doesn’t know how to be a good girlfriend as much as it is the fact that she’s fake dating a popular boy who every girl has had a crush on.

It really shouldn’t matter that she’s so far out of her comfort zone and she isn’t really sure what normal couples do when they’re in the halls at school. But this is Peter Kavinsky, arguably the most popular boy in their grade, and no one knows that they’re fake dating. Which means she needs to make this look as real as possible, and that is hard when she feels like everything she’s doing is wrong.

The catch with all of this is that no one knows this is all fake. Chris thinks Lara Jean dating Peter is the biggest shock pulled off in school history, but she lives for the drama and she’s loving how Lara Jean managed to somehow steal her cousin’s boyfriend just weeks after they broke up. Which means any loophole that Lara Jean thinks is obvious and gives away the fact this is all fake goes unnoticed by Chris.

“I can’t believe you haven’t done anything super extravagant for him yet,” Chris says quietly when they’re sitting at Lara Jean’s house after school, watching Lara Jean prepare them both a snack. “I mean, I know it’s only been a few weeks. But you love doing cute things for people. I thought your boyfriend would shoot to top of the list over the rest of us.”

Lara Jean nods, the words sort of stuck somewhere between her brain and wanting to be said. She wants to tell Chris that this is all fake, that that’s why she doesn’t kiss Peter and she’s not overly affectionate and that’s why she hasn’t done anything for him, but it was part of the contract that they keep it a secret. And so she slides the snack she grabbed for the two of them across the island, leaning her elbows onto the cool counter.

“So what do you think I should do for him?” She asks as coolly as possible, trying to make it sound like she’s been thinking of something but just can’t decide and so she wants advice. Chris doesn’t seem to notice, reaching for one of the chips in the middle of the island while her free hand taps against the marble countertop.

“I don’t know,” She shrugs, which doesn’t help Lara Jean in the slightest. “You like to bake. Why don’t you make him cookies or something?”

Lara Jean furrows her eyebrows, reaching for a snack of her own. “Isn’t that like, a little odd? I mean, I don’t even know if he likes cookies. It could be a waste of time and he might find it super weird. I’m already shocked he’s dating me, I don’t need him thinking that I’m weird on top of that,” Lara Jean argues, and the lie rolls off her tongue so easily that she wonders if this agreement will be as difficult as she initially thought it was going to be.

Chris lets her hand fall to the counter, causing Lara Jean to jump as she looks back at her best friend. “You honestly overthink things all the time. I can tell you for a fact that Peter loves cookies, and if he thinks it’s weird that his girlfriend is doing something nice for him, then maybe he isn’t such a good boyfriend after all,” She says quickly, watching Lara Jean nod as she walks back to the cabinet, pulling down a recipe book and sliding it in the direction of Chris.

“Which ones do I make then?”

Chris stares wide-eyed at the book, shaking her head and sliding it back. “Nice try, LJ. You’re the one that is dating him, you need to decide. Second guessing yourself isn’t going to get you anywhere,” She sings, plucking another chip from the bowl in the middle of the island.

Reluctantly, Lara Jean opens the recipe book and decides that she really can’t go wrong with classic chocolate chip cookies. Chris is giving her this look like she’s keeping it too simple, but trying to take her advice Lara Jean doesn’t second guess what she’s decided to bake, grabbing the ingredients and keeping her mouth shut while Chris talks about all the drama going on in her life and how she wishes she had someone like Peter in her life unlike the guys she had been seeing every once in a while.

Chris leaves when Dr. Covey gets home from work, but raises her eyebrows at Lara Jean and makes her promise that she won’t chicken out in giving them to him when he picks her up the following morning. “I’m serious, LJ. You two are so happy with each other, this isn’t going to mess that up. In fact, it’ll probably only make things better.”

Lara Jean just nods, shutting her front door and taking a breath before walking back into the kitchen to be with her family, meaning she doesn’t need to think about Peter or how he’s going to react the following morning.

*

Lara Jean contemplates leaving the cookies in their container on the counter three times on her way out the door, but Kitty shoves them into her hand and gives her that sickly sweet smile she’s been using to get whatever she’s wanted for years, crossing her arms over her chest.

“I’m going to go with Daddy this morning. To give you and Peter some alone time,” She smirks, wiggling her eyebrows. Lara Jean rolls her eyes, shoving Kitty’s shoulder gently before slipping on her shoes and walking out the door without saying anything.

Mostly because she feels like her heart is caught in her throat and she may throw up all over the kitchen if she tries to talk. Who knew being in a fake relationship was this hard?

Like clockwork, Peter pulls up in front of her house and smiles, watching as Lara Jean walks down her front walk and opens the passenger door. “Where’s little Covey?” Peter asks, glancing back to the front door as Lara Jean gets situated, shaking her head.

“My dad is taking her to school,” She says quickly, glancing at the box of cookies in her lap before shoving them in Peter’s direction. “Here. I made you these,” She mumbles, but her voice is more nervous than anything and she can’t bring herself to look in Peter’s direction because she’s pretty sure he’s looking at her like she’s a freak or something.

“You made cookies for me, Covey?” He asks, the box leaving her hands as she finally turns to look at him, noticing the smile on his face.

“I mean, yeah. I like to bake, and I thought maybe as a thank you for going along with this and also driving me and Kitty to school and stuff that I could at least make you cookies. Like that’s a nice thing to do, right?” She’s rambling, she knows, and as she picks at a loose thread on her jeans she forces herself to look down again, wishing that Peter would just start driving to school so she could be out of this car faster.

Peter gently undoes the lid to the tupperware container, picking a cookie and popping it into his mouth, humming as he chews. “God, Covey,” He groans, reaching in for another to offer her before taking one for himself. “If I knew you were such a good baker, I would’ve started fake dating you much earlier.”

Lara Jean looks back over at him as she takes a bite of the cookie he offered her, beaming. “So you like them?”

“Love them,” He replies quickly, handing her back the container to hold so he could drive to school. “I mean, I wouldn’t complain if you made more of them for me another time.”

Lara Jean manages to laugh at that, shaking her head. “We have a whole book full of cookie recipes. Maybe you could pick one one day and I could make them?” She offers, wondering where the newfound confidence had come from.

He nods, turning on the music. “Perfect. You have yourself a deal, Covey,” He smirks, Lara Jean snapping back on the lid to the container and holding them firmly on her lap.

She spends the rest of the car ride wondering if real dating was as easy as this whole fake dating agreement had been. If dating meant baking to make your boyfriend’s day, she figures maybe real dating won’t be as scary or hard as she had been imagining.

—

**ii.**

There are a lot of pros and cons to having Margot home on break.

She can steal her clothes from her, wear them to school, and not have to worry about Margot leaving or not being there when she goes to give them back. But it also means that she’s there to give her relationship advice, push her to do things that make her uncomfortable, and constantly nag her when she tries to tell her anything.

Peter and Lara Jean happen to get in their first fight the day after Margot returns home for the holidays. It’s not bad — but for Lara Jean, who’s in her first relationship and is acting like this has been going on for months — she’s lost on what to do. She doesn’t like when Peter is upset with her, she knows the fight is mostly her fault, but how does she apologize when she’s never been through something like this before?

“You don’t want to go into the holidays with him being upset, Lara Jean,” Margot reminds her, glancing up from the magazine she had been looking through with Kitty. “The holidays are supposed to be happy, you shouldn’t hold a grudge over something like this until you see him again.”

Lara Jean sighs, digging through the bowl to find another good piece of candy. “How do I apologize then? I don’t want to do it over text, and doing it at school just seems silly. He has lacrosse all the time otherwise.”

“What’s he doing right now?”

Lara Jean turns her head to the side, staring at her older sister before she shrugs. “Like I said, I haven’t talked to him.” She glances at her phone. “He’s probably home though. It’s kind of late.”

“So, go to his house unannounced and apologize right now.”

Lara Jean sits up, her eyes widening at Margot’s suggestion. “You want me to just show up on his front step right now? Shouldn’t I wait and just find a time to talk about this like a normal person?”

Margot shakes her head. "If you don’t want to apologize to him at school or before school, your best bet is to go right now. It’s cute if you show up unannounced wanting to make things right in the moment, and he’ll definitely forgive you for going to all that effort.”

Lara Jean hesitates, thinking over her options. She wants to text Peter more than anything. Ask if he’s available to talk now, ask if she can come over so they can fix things and go back to the way that they were.

“Just go over unexpected, Lara Jean. Peter likes surprises,” Kitty interjects, and so Lara Jean stands up, fixing her outfit and getting one last approval from her sisters before she’s walking to her car and setting off for Peter’s.

The confidence she somehow gained on the way over is suddenly gone the second she pulls up in front of Peter’s house, shifting the car in park and killing the engine. She stares up at his front door, notices the front light on and the light in Owen’s room on, and then panics.

This is definitely a horrible idea, her sisters are definitely setting her up to look completely humiliated in front of her boyfriend, and she almost turns back and just goes home.

_I can’t do this. He’s going to think I'm insane just showing up at his house unannounced._

Margot answers almost immediately.

_Just go up to the door. He’s not going to think you’re insane, Lara Jean. He’s your boyfriend. Just go fix things._

Lara Jean rolls her eyes, takes a deep breath, and steps out of the car before she can overthink things even more than she already has.

She knocks on the door and then completely forgets the fact that she hadn’t thought about what she’d do if Owen or his mom answered the door. She has to assume that Peter mentioned their fight, what if they said something and she didn’t know how to prepare?

The door swings open a moment later, Peter staring back at her. “Covey?” He asks, like maybe he can’t believe his eyes or the fact that Lara Jean is standing there at his door, her arms wrapped around her.

She nods anyway, watching as he partly shuts the door, returning a moment later with shoes and his jacket on. He shuts the door behind him, standing on the front step with her as he waits for her to start talking. It takes Lara Jean a moment, but her eyes fall to the ground as she sighs. “I need to apologize to you.”

Peter sighs, forcing Lara Jean to look up at him as if his face is going to tell her how he’s feeling. “It was wrong of me to get jealous when I saw you with Gen. It was wrong of me to not let you explain anything, for me to just assume that you were cheating on me. I flipped out for no reason, and I didn’t give you a chance to talk, and I’m sorry.”

The silence falls between them for a moment, but Peter opens his mouth, closing it quickly before he finally starts to speak. “I wasn’t cheating on you,” He says quietly like he suddenly needs to defend himself, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Gen needed me to help her with something, and I should have told you I was doing that. But I wouldn’t cheat on you, Lara Jean, I promise you. You mean too much to me. This isn’t… we’re not fake dating anymore. This is real, and you are the most important thing, end of.”

The words ring through her mind over and over, the breath getting caught in her throat. She manages to nod, her knees going weak when Peter smiles at her and pulls her against his chest. He just holds her for a minute, his lips pressing to the top of her head lightly.

“So we’re okay?” She asks after a moment, but she feels like maybe more should be talked about, maybe he’s not going to agree that things are fine and they can just move past this.

“Do you promise to trust me? To let me talk about how I’m feeling and let me explain things before you jump to conclusions?” He asks, a smile permanently on his face as she nods quickly. “Then we’re perfectly fine, Covey,” He promises, bending down to kiss her quickly.

He invites her inside, helping her hang up her jacket ash they walk to the living room. “So did you really come over here just to apologize?” He asks, pulling her into his side.

She nods, burying her head into his chest. “My sisters said it’s better to just fix things now rather than waiting. And I really couldn’t stand the thought of you being upset with me,” She says quietly, feeling Peter laugh underneath her.

“Well, things are fine now,” He promises, his fingers running through her hair. “And for the record, I’m really glad you did show up, Covey.”

Lara Jean nods, leaning up quickly to kiss him before settling back against his chest.

She’d never admit to Margot that this was a good idea, but having Peter back underneath her like this and knowing that things were okay was the best part of being spontaneous and a little bold.

Maybe she could get used to this.

—

**iii.**

Lara Jean was born a worrier. She overthought everything, worried about what other people would think more often than not, and if someone she loved was in danger? She worried about that too.

Peter knew that about her more than anything else, and despite the fact that they had only really been dating a few months, it always seemed like he knew exactly what to say to calm her down. He tried not to overplay things, tried not to make things more dramatic than they needed to be, but it wasn’t always that easy.

So when he gets sick and tries to convince her it’s just a cold, it kind of goes awry when he ends up missing three days of school. He sends her constant texts, promising that he’s fine and it’s just his mom being kind of insane about letting him go to school or really do _anything_ but lay in bed or on the couch all day.

Lara Jean still worries. It eats at her inside, the constant wondering if he’s really okay or if she should do more than she has been. She’s taken over driving Kitty to school and offers to pick up Owen on the way, Mrs. Kavinsky agreeing almost immediately, letting Lara Jean know that she was an absolute lifesaver.

She had asked Owen every morning if Peter was okay, if he was going to be back in school that day and just coming in late, but Owen would always just roll his eyes and shrug, mumbling something about how he was still sick but Peter said to tell her that he was fine.

It didn’t really make things any better, mostly because Lara Jean knew Peter was just telling Owen to say that so she’d stop worrying.

She spent most of the school day texting him on and off, still worrying about him.

The weekend rolls around, and while Lara Jean had made loose plans to hang out with Peter and some of their other friends, Peter texts her Saturday morning with three sad faces, and then again quickly right after.

_Mom still won’t let me out of the house. We can hang out tomorrow maybe? I miss you :(_

Lara Jean forces herself to get out of bed, typing and retyping a message back to Peter before finally hitting send on the bottom step.

_You’re still sick? If you’re better, we can definitely hang out tomorrow. Miss you too :(_

“There you are! I was beginning to think you weren’t going to get up,” Her dad smiles when she walks into the kitchen, watching her walk through and grab breakfast for herself. “Your sister has that birthday party today, but I just got called in. Do you mind dropping her off? Unless you have other plans today.”

Lara Jean sighs, shaking her head. “I can drop her off,” She says quietly.

“No plans with Peter today?”

Lara Jean shakes her head, sighing. “He’s been sick the last few days. We were supposed to hang out today, but he texted me this morning and said that his mom won’t let him leave the house today again, so I guess we don’t have plans.”

She hears her dad set down his paper, turning around to find him standing there. “You know, I heard Kitty say that Owen was going to the same birthday party she is,” He begins, leaning forward on his elbows. “You could always see if maybe Mrs. Kavinsky could take Kitty, and then bring Peter some soup and hang out with him at his house. Sure, it’s still hanging out and I’m sure he isn’t feeling his best, but he’d be happy to see you.”

Lara Jean scrunches up her nose at the suggestion. “Isn’t that weird though, bringing him soup and hanging out with him?” She asks, but for a brief second she starts thinking about what ingredients she’d need to even make homemade soup.

Her dad smiles. “It’s not weird,” He promises, standing up from the counter to bring his bowl to the sink. “In fact, your mom did it for me back when we were dating. I thought it was a nice thing for her to do, and it showed that she cared about me. I’m assuming Peter would feel the same way.”

Lara Jean pulls her bottom lip between her teeth, mulling her options over. It’s not that she doesn’t want to do something nice for Peter — she thinks he could use it after the apparent horrible week he’s had — but it just seems like an odd thing to do to bring soup to your boyfriend and she can’t help but feel awkward about the whole thing.

“It’s your choice, sweetheart. But don’t second guess a nice gesture just because you’re worried about what he may think. That boy is head over heels for you, he’s going to love whatever you do,” He smiles. “Just text me if you’re going to be at Peter’s for a while. If I can get off work in time I’ll swing by and pick up Kitty on my way home.” Dr. Covey leaves a kiss to the top of her head, grabbing his things off the counter and yelling up to Kitty that he was leaving before he walked out the door.

Lara Jean finishes her breakfast, standing up and mulling through the cabinets, pulling out the ingredients from the cabinet and beginning on making soup in the big stockpot, saving some for she and Kitty to have later that night in case their dad wasn’t home in time.

She turns on music, every song reminding her of Peter, and tries not to let her mind second guess the fact that she’s just doing something nice for her boyfriend in hopes of making him feel better when it’s obvious he needs it.

*

Lara Jean parks on the street in front of the Kavinsky’s, meeting Mrs. Kavinsky and Owen in the driveway, Kitty trailing behind her with the present for her friend firmly grasped in her hands.

“Hi girls!” His mom smiles, unlocking her car for Kitty and Owen to slide into the back seat when they make it up the driveway.

“Thank you for taking her,” Lara Jean smiles, a container of soup nestled in her hands, still warm after just being taken off the stove. “I could always pick them up if you have things to do. Or my dad said he may be able to get them if he gets off work in time.”

Mrs. Kavinsky smiles, shaking her head. “Don’t worry about it, sweetheart. Picking them up means I get to leave work a little early.” Her eyes move from Lara Jean’s gaze to the container of soup in her hands, smiling wider. “Chicken noodle? That’s his favorite. He’s going to love it.”

Lara Jean still briefly thought about returning to her car and not even going in to see Peter, but she smiles, feeling a little better about the fact that she had made his favorite soup and maybe this wasn’t such a horrible idea in the end after all.

“He’s laying on the couch feeling sorry for himself. Does he know you’re here?” His mom asks again, holding her hand up to Owen when he complains about how they have to leave.

Lara Jean shakes her head, pulling the soup closer to her.

“Well, then he’s going to be very happy to see you,” She beams. “I’ll be back in a few hours with both Kitty and Owen. Call me if you need anything at all,” She says quietly, gesturing towards the car before going to get in, driving off towards the party once making sure Kitty and Owen were buckled in and ready to go.

Lara Jean takes slow steps up to the front step and then pauses for a moment, glancing back at her car. She doesn’t even understand why she’s so nervous, Peter is her boyfriend and it’s been days since she’s seen him, but there’s something telling her that bringing soup is just an odd thing to do.

She opens his front door before she can second guess herself even further, taking a deep breath and quietly toeing off her shoes at the door, shutting it behind her.

“I thought you already left.” Peter’s voice cuts through the almost quiet of the house, scratchy and distant. He coughs, Lara Jean walking back to the living room to find him peering over the sofa, obviously waiting for his mom to answer. “Wait, what?”

Lara Jean laughs, pausing in the kitchen to set the soup down on the island before she moves into the living room. “Surprise,” She says quietly, ducking down to kiss his warm forehead. “Your mom knows I’m here, and I figured you could use some cheering up.”

Peter sits up, making room for Lara Jean to sit down. She takes in his features properly, his hair tousled and messy on top of his head, eyes glassy, skin pale and his nose tinted red. He looked awful, and it quickly dawns on Lara Jean that he was trying to act like things were fine and it was just his mom overreacting that morning, but he really was as sick as she thought.

“You didn’t tell me you were still this sick,” She frowns, reaching out to brush his hair off his forehead, the heat radiating off of it.

Peter leans back against the cushions, sighing. “‘m really not that bad. Look worse than I feel,” He argues, but it’s obvious that his throat hurts and he shivers underneath her cold hands, and Lara Jean knows he’s lying so she won’t worry. “Went to the doctor yesterday. Got meds. Said I’d be back at school by Tuesday or Wednesday probably.”

Lara Jean nods, running her fingers gently over his scalp. “That’s good,” She nods, scratching gently as he relaxes into her touch. “I made you some soup. Chicken noodle. Your mom said it’s your favorite.”

Peter opens his eyes lazily, eyebrows raising. “Can we heat it up now? All I ate this morning was toast,” He says quietly, smiling when Lara Jean nods, helping him up off the sofa.

She watches as he wraps the blanket around his shoulders, walking to the kitchen and smiling at the container on the counter. She forces him to sit down, grabbing two bowls from the cabinet and heating up some soup for the two of them, grabbing crackers from the pantry under Peter’s directions.

“Thank you for making this,” Peter mumbles around a mouthful of soup, swallowing before he gives her a smile. “You really made this from scratch?”

Lara Jean nods, reaching for the sleeves of crackers. “My mom was really big about making her own soups. She left a recipe book full of them. I just figured chicken noodle was good when you don’t feel well, and we had all the ingredients for it.”

Peter smiles, finishing his bowl as he stands up, putting the rest back in the fridge and his bowl in the sink. Lara Jean follows suit, laughing when Peter wraps her up in his blanket, his chin resting on top of her head. “I really want to kiss you right now,” He mumbles, a chill running down his spine. “But I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t.”

Lara Jean laughs quietly, pulling herself from his chest. “You shouldn’t kiss me,” She mumbles, standing up on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek. “But I’m pretty sure me kissing you on the cheek won’t get me sick.”

Peter smiles, leading her back to the sofa. He lets her sit down before he sits down beside her, falling to rest his head in her lap. Out of instinct Lara Jean grabs a pillow situating it between her legs and his head so he’s more comfortable. “You should get some sleep,” She sighs, her fingers tangled in his hair as she lightly massages his scalp.

Peter hums in response, his eyes fluttering closed. “Did you know that I have the best girlfriend in the world?” He asks quietly, parting his eyes and smirking.

“Hm, do you?”

Peter nods. “She made me homemade soup and is risking her own health to hang out with me even though I’m sick.”

Lara Jean laughs quietly, pulling the blanket further up his chest. “She does sound pretty amazing. You should keep her around.”

Peter laughs, stifling a cough as he pushes further into her touch. “Oh, don’t worry. I definitely will.”

Peter falls asleep not long after, but Lara Jean continues playing with his hair and watching endless episodes of _The Office_ , being careful not to move too much so he didn’t wake up.

When Mrs. Kavinsky, Owen and Kitty all return home she smiles, for the first time in a long time not second guessing that she did exactly the right thing that afternoon.

—

**iv.**

“I’m going to plan this really exciting adventure for us tonight instead of staying in to watch movies, and you don’t get to ask me questions about it or beg me for clues or anything,” Lara Jean decides when Peter walks into lunch, sliding into the seat next to her.

He raises his eyebrows, digs through his bag for his lunch, and sets it on the table. “Can I just assume that you’re going to be doing the driving then? Otherwise your surprise will be ruined when we go to leave because you’ll have to tell me where to drive to.”

Lara Jean frowns for a moment, staring at her lunch. She hadn’t thought that far ahead in all honesty, and now that she was faced with the fact that she’d have to be the one driving, she isn’t sure she wants to go through with the surprise at this point.

“I’ll drive,” She says, but it’s far too confident for her and Peter just raises his eyebrows, laughing. “I mean, it’s not a big deal.”

“You sound an awful lot like you’re trying to convince yourself of that,” Peter laughs, unwrapping his sandwich. “But whatever you want to do, I’ll go along with it. Pick me up?”

Lara Jean beams, nodding quickly. “At 6. Be ready,” She smiles.

“And you’re sure I don’t get any clues as to where we’re going or what we’re going to be doing? Damn, Covey, even when I plan surprises for us I make sure you have a little clue so you know how to prepare,” He teases, nudging Lara Jean with his shoulder.

Lara Jean mulls it over for a moment, plucking a carrot from her bag and taking a bite. “You can have one clue,” She decides, pausing and looking over at home once she’s swallowed. “The activity we’re doing is outside, so you might want to dress accordingly. Otherwise you don’t get to know anything else.”

*

Lara Jean is not the most confident driver. It’s obvious to everyone who’s ever seen her drive, considering she almost hit Peter with her car in the parking lot at the beginning of the year and Kitty is still pretty insistent that she needs a helmet whenever she’s in the passenger seat.

The Winter roads make her more nervous. It hadn’t snowed in weeks, but what little snow is left is continuing to melt, which means the roads might be slick and that makes her nervous. But she’s not backing out of this, and after waiting a few minutes Peter comes out of his house, the smile wide on his face as he slides into the passenger seat with ease, sticking out a bag of gummy bears.

“My mom bought them. Want one?” He asks, but he notices how her hands are gripping the steering wheel and immediately gets concerned. “Hey, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing is wrong,” She counters, her words short as she shakes her head. “I want a gummy worm. Are you ready to go?” She reaches her hand out for a gummy worm, not missing Peter’s wary look and the fact that he looks like he wants to say something.

He places two gummy worms in her hand, nodding as he buckles his seatbelt.

The drive begins fine. Lara Jean knows the directions like the back of her hand, and once she’s safely merged onto the highway she lets Peter turn on whatever music he wants. A few Christmas songs sneak in despite the fact that it’s January, but warmth spreads through her body and she finds herself giggling and humming along while he obnoxiously sings beside her.

She pulls into the parking lot of this old farm almost an hour away, the place that used to be a Christmas tradition to come to when she and her sisters were young. It had been years since she’d been here, but she remembered that they always kept their decorations up through January and there was this aching in her heart that made her want to come again.

She shifts the car into park, shutting it off and looking over at Peter. “We started coming here when my mom was alive. Kitty was a baby,” She begins, shifting her attention back to the rows of Christmas lights in front of her. “My dad brought us for a while after she died, but it’s been years since we’ve been back.”

Peter nods, reaching over the center of the car to take her hand, squeezing gently. “This place used to be my favorite place to come visit every Winter. I used to find it so magical. They kept their decorations up through January, and I used to think that it must be the best place to live or be able to come to all the time because things didn’t just end after the New Year. It got to keep going. I guess… I guess I just wanted to share it with someone who means a lot to me.”

It’s pretty dark in their car, but in the glow of the lights coming from the display, Lara Jean can see Peter smiling at her. It’s funny, she thinks, that she didn’t have any second thoughts about bringing him here. It had been on her mind for months, and the second the chance arose to show him this place she had loved more than anything, she jumped on it.

Peter leans over, kissing her softly. “I’m really glad you brought me here,” He says quietly, unbuckling his seatbelt. “Do you want to go walk through the displays?”

She laughs at that, smiling as she gets out of the car. Peter takes her hand again and together they walk through the rows of Christmas lights, taking in all of the displays and the little kids running around still feeling the last of the Christmas magic. They don’t say much when they’re together, but Peter pulls Lara Jean against his side and kisses the top of her head, stopping at a small gazebo towards the end of the display.

“I love you,” He mumbles, pulling her against his chest as he kisses the top of her head. His heart is pounding, and Lara Jean quickly realizes that it’s the first time he’s said I love you to her since this relationship became real.

Pulling herself from his chest, she can’t help but smile as she looks up at him. She perches on her tip toes, kisses his lips as gently as she can, letting his arms wrap around her waist as he deepens the kiss.

“I love you, too,” She replies quietly when they pull apart, her hands resting against his chest.

Lara Jean can’t help but feel like this is plucked straight from a movie. She’s a sucker for a love story, one that seems like it comes straight out of a fairytale, but even she can’t help but laugh at this one. And Peter laughs along with her, holding her against his chest and kissing the top of her head as they let the moment sink in together.

“This is all really cliche, isn’t it,” Peter smiles, pulling Lara Jean from her chest to look down at her.

“I mean, I don’t think many couples confess that they love each other for the first time in the middle of a lights display. It feels a little bit cliche,” She smirks, falling against his chest again as she wraps her arms around his middle. “But we haven’t exactly done things the most conventional ways. So maybe this is actually perfect for us.”

Peter nods in agreement, his lips ghosting against the top of her head. “I think you’re right,” He agrees quietly, reaching back to take her hand again so they can keep walking. “Maybe this is exactly what we were meant to do.”

Lara Jean nods, squeezing his hand and falling against his side, wondering how her life was just supposed to keep getting better from this moment.

They mull around the displays for a while longer before Lara Jean remembers a cafe down the road with what she always thought was the best hot chocolate, leading Peter back to her car so they could go there.

The cafe is quiet and warm, the windows frosted and music playing quietly as they slide into the booth in the corner. Peter almost seems more affectionate since admitting his love, holding her hand over the table as they sit across from each other.

“You know I’ve been wanting to say that for a long time,” He says quietly over his hot chocolate, squeezing her hand. “I’ve felt this way about you for a long time, Lara Jean. And I’m sorry it took me so long for me to make this real.”

Lara Jean smiles, shaking her head. She can remember way back to seventh grade when she and Peter kissed at that party, and how head over heels in love she had been with him since then, writing that letter that he found and began all of this.

“I’m glad we figured this out. That this,” She smiles, gesturing between the two of them, “is actually happening now.”

He laughs, reaching to take another sip of his hot chocolate. “Just so you know, I’m going to say it all the time now,” He reminds her. “I love you, Covey. And I think maybe I always have.”

He squeezes her hand, finishing off the rest of his hot chocolate.

“Well, good news. I love you too, Kavinsky,” She smirks, finishing off the rest of her drink before they walk back to the car.

For the first time in months, Lara Jean hadn’t second guessed a second of any gesture she did that night for Peter. She planned a whole date with him, drove there after convincing herself she’d be fine, and told her she loved him without the slightest of hesitations.

Because, despite her own worrying that maybe she wasn’t enough, she truly did love Peter Kavinsky. And although the future would be filled with uncertainty and many more moments of second guessing, Peter Kavinsky loves her back.

And maybe that’s all she needs.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading!
> 
> i caved and made a tumblr for these two (because apparently my love for them isn't going anywhere despite me saying i wouldn't keep writing them...I JUST CAN'T RESIST.) you can follow me [@peter-covinskys](https://peter-covinskys.tumblr.com/) if you want :) maybe i'll do little blurbs there on the side if people want?
> 
> anyway, thank you for reading! hope you enjoyed this :)
> 
> (i am still working on a chaptered fic of them because like i said, i can't resist. hopefully i'll start posting it next week?)


End file.
